


Why do you do what you do?

by Alpha_Camolot



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: BAMF Merlin, M/M, Magic Revealed, Scar reveal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 19:43:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10600908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alpha_Camolot/pseuds/Alpha_Camolot
Summary: The shadows were the best place for him. He could move freely, and as he wished. But now that those are ripped away, the light is free to shine on his secrets. Exposing all the things he tried to keep hidden, and Arthur wants answers.On Hiatus until further notice.





	1. Discover

**Author's Note:**

> Look! I live! I have no excuse to give you. I could blame it on school or family stuff but that's not true. (Not entirely). But hey! I've finally managed to get off my lazy arse and produce something sorta decent. I hope you guys like this. and maybe, just maybe, I can finish something I start.

Arthur’s eyes bore into Merlin, burning and full of accusation.

“Why, Merlin?” Arthur asked angrily. Merlin couldn’t force himself to meet Arthur’s gaze. He continued to stare into the fire in the hearth, keeping himself perfectly still. Arthur picked up the inkwell and hurled it at the wall, where it promptly shattered into a million shards.

“Goddammit Merlin!” Arthur shouted. Merlin couldn’t stop himself from flinching at that. He was scared.

They had been on a three day campaign through some of the neighboring towns. Everything had been perfect. There had been no bandit attacks or threats of any kind. Merlin had been foolish. He had let his guard down. Arthur, the knights, and Merlin were resting in one of the inns, about a half day’s ride from the castle. The knights had gone down to the tavern for a couple of drinks. Normally they stayed gone for at least a couple of hours which is why Merlin didn’t expect anyone coming back so soon. He had used magic to draw himself a proper bath. After he dried off and put on his trousers, he used magic to put the bath away. It was that moment that the door burst open. The door that he had _stupidly_ forgotten to lock. A thousand thoughts raced across his mind in an instant as he looked at Arthur’s shocked face. Did Arthur see the magic? What would he say? Did he have to run? Merlin, however, never got a chance to answer any of those questions as Arthur made a decision for him. In a matter of seconds, Arthur had closed the door and was halfway across the room. In sheer panic, Merlin had backed himself up until he fell on one of the beds. Arthur loomed over him. Imposing and demanding and every bit the royal that he was. His eyes were furious.

“I want a straight answer right now Merlin.” Arthur said through clenched teeth. “Do you understand me?” he asked. Merlin could only nod, not yet trusting his voice. “Who did this to you?” Arthur asked.

Come again? Surely he misheard. He dared to look up at Arthur who was most definitely angry.

“Wha-what?” Merlin managed to squeak out. Who made him learn magic? He didn’t understand.

“Now is not the time to play dense Merlin. These scars! Where did they come from?” he hissed. Merlin felt all of his breath leave him in a whoosh. Merlin looked down to see that he had yet to put a shirt on, on account of his still wet hair. Arthur wasn’t asking about his magic, he was inquiring about his marks. Merlin felt the strangest mix of relief and pain at this discovery.

“I-I don’t- I didn’t” Merlin stammered. Arthur was quickly losing what remained of his very then patience. Loud laughter could be heard from the corridor. The rest of the knights were coming back. Arthur swore something terrible under his breath. He turned and quickly grabbed something from his bag before thrusting it at Merlin.

“Here!” he all but shouted. Merlin, however, was still in a bit of a daze. Arthur cursed again and the next thing Merlin knew, he was being manhandled into the shirt.

“We are going to talk about this Merlin.” Arthur spoke in his ear. Then Arthur was leaning away and walking to the other side of the room, just as the gang burst through the door. They were all to rowdy to notice any tension in the room. The knights laughed and joked until Leon told them it was time for bed.

“Aw come on Leony pooh! Lighten up!” Gwaine said. Leon’s face wrinkled in disgust.

“First off, never call me that again. Second, we’ve got a long day ahead of us tomorrow. We’ll have to ride hard if we want to reach the citadel by high noon.” Leon said.

“We’ll be fine mother.” Gwaine retorted. Leon looked like he had something to say to that, but Arthur stepped in.

“Sir Leon is right. Tomorrow will be tough. And with the way some of you lot were at the cider even tougher.” Arthur said. A handful of the knights let out collective groans. They forgot about the hangovers. “Best to get as much rest as you can now. We set off at dawn.” One-by-one, the knights begin to put out their candles and crawl under the covers. Arthur was the last to get into bed. By the time he was situated, there were snores coming from the general Percival/Bedivere direction. Arthur looked at Merlin and their eyes met. They stared at each other for a handful of seconds before laying down. Tomorrow would be a hard day for sure.

Which now brought them to their current situation. Arthur hadn’t spoken a single word to Merlin all day. He was, however, seen talking to the knights, and when Merlin went to go do a chore, he found it had already been completed. They indeed made it back to the castle by noon, but still Arthur didn’t give Merlin any chores to do. He didn’t ask for a bath to be drawn or armor cleaned. He didn’t even ask Merlin to bring up his supper. The sun had long since set and Arthur had yet to make a peep in his direction. After the first few hours, Merlin had been very tense and jumpy. Now though, as he lay out Arthur’s bedclothes, he was beginning to think that Arthur wouldn’t say anything at all. That was not the case at all. Arthur suddenly exploded, all his pent up questions and rage rushing to the surface.

“Why did you never say anything!” Arthur demanded. The hours that had passed between Arthur’s original discovery and now had done nothing to give Arthur a clear head. In fact, it seemed all that thinking time had actually made him angrier. Merlin didn’t know what to say. He had a feeling that, ‘I got these in magical fights protecting you but it’s okay cause I used my own magic and won’ was not the correct answer. So he simply continued to mess with the fire, knowing that later, he was going to have to clean that ink up. He would probably need magic to get the stains out. He let out a sigh that did not go unnoticed.

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Merlin said, “Most of these are old anyway.” Which was true. Most of his scars were almost completely faded now, which probably had to do with his magic. He knew that some of them shouldn’t have healed as nicely as they did. They were from when he didn’t know that many defense spells, or was just dumb enough to not dodge out of the way. He was doing good to not get to banged up in his most recent fights. Merlin couldn’t understand why Arthur cared so much.

“Not that big of a-” Arthur parroted before walking over to Merlin and grabbing him by the shoulders. “How can you say that!” He said while giving Merlin a shake.

“What do you want me to say!” Merlin asked back, his own temper starting to rise.

“How about you start with the truth!” Arthur shouted back. That took all of the fight right out of Merlin. The truth? It was never that easy. Arthur, sensing the change in Merlin’s demeanor, slackened his grip. He instead used the pads of his thumbs to rub gentle circles on Merlin’s shoulders. Merlin didn’t know how to handle this gentler side of Arthur. He found himself relaxing into the touch.

“Merlin,” Arthur began cautiously, “It- it wasn’t any of the knights was it?” he asked. The question immediately threw Merlin for a loop. “What? No!” he responded, and it was true the knights never purposely hurt him. Their life long dream and only source of happiness wasn’t tormenting Merlin, unlike some people he knew. In fact, most of them treated him as one would a younger brother. Some even snuck him pastries. Arthur seemed to relax slightly at this declaration.

“Okay good. That’s -good.” Arthur said. Merlin could tell that there was still something Arthur wanted to say, so he waited patiently. Arthur licked his lips and carried on.

“I need you to promise me something.” Merlin looked Arthur in the eyes.

“What is it?” Merlin asked.

“You can’t lie to me anymore. No more hiding things from me.” he said. Merlin instinctively recoiled out of Arthur’s grasp. While he was good at a lot of things, brutal honesty wasn’t one of them. At least, not when pertaining to himself. Merlin’s entire existence revolved around the web of lies he was able to weave. Not being able to lie anymore? The thought broke him out in goosebumps and made a lump settle in his stomach. His throat felt constricted.

“I-I will try.” Merlin said. This apparently wasn’t good enough for Arthur. He took a step forward, and Merlin backed up one in response.

“I need you to promise me!” Arthur demanded. Merlin shook his head.

“I’m not going to make a promise I know I can’t keep.” Merlin said. Arthur let out a groan and ran a hand over his face in frustration.

“Merlin.” Arthur said. Merlin simply shook his head again. Arthur placed his hands on his hips and stared at the fire for a few moments.

“Okay then.” he said. Merlin felt a surge of joy at his. Arthur would let it be! “On these conditions.” Arthur said. Merlin felt all of his hopes get dashed away. He should have known better.

“What are they?” Merlin asked, already dreading what the response would be.

“If I ask you a question, and you deign to give me a response, your answer must be truthful. If I ask to see your scars, you have to let me. And thirdly,” Arthur paused here and gave a small sigh. “You have to come to me when something happens. Please.” Arthur said. Merlin was shocked. Arthur never said please and meant it. But the look in Arthur’s eyes was sincere, and it was killing Merlin. He took a moment to think about it. He didn’t always have to give Arthur a answer. He could go with that. The second condition was a bit tougher, but he could cast a glamour before he took his shirt off so it wasn’t to bad. The third one was pushing it. What if that ‘something’ had to do with magic? Was he suppose to come to Arthur then? Arthur wasn’t making him promise though. He was asking. Merlin heaved a sigh himself. He felt like he’d been doing that a lot lately. Merlin looked at Arthur, who was waiting to hear Merlin’s response to this compromise. Finally, after an intense, internal debate, Merlin nodded his head. The corners of Arthur’s lips turned upward in what looked to be the start of a smile. Arthur’s shoulders dropped and Merlin was able to see just how tense all of this had made Arthur. He never wanted to add more stress to Arthur’s life. And now here Arthur was doing what could be classified as worrying. If he could get away with it, he decided that he would tell Arthur as little as possible.

“I’ll take you at your word then.” Arthur said. A strange feeling settled in Merlin’s chest at that. Arthur shifted his weight, almost awkwardly, to his other foot. “Well Merlin, I suppose you may go.” Merlin gave a lazy little half bow and left, sort of in a daze. It wasn’t until he made it back into his room, changed, and climbed under the covers that a thought ran across his mind. He was so fucked.

It had been two weeks since. They didn’t talk about it and Arthur had yet to ask any of his unusual demands. Merlin accompanied Arthur down to the training field for the day’s practice. Merlin sat under the shade of a tree on the outskirts of the field. Somehow Gwen, wonderful Gwen, had managed to find him. She sat down next to him, her legs folded to the side. Merlin had drawn his knees to his chest, and was leaning on them, his arms wrapped around himself. For a while they simply sat in comfortable silence together and watched the knights. Arthur was loud and bossy as he went through the knights, correcting postures and shouting orders. The sun beat down mercilessly and the knights swords were gleaming. They looked intimidating, the most so being Arthur. His locks were sticking to his face from his sweat. He was radiant. Merlin stared openly as no one was looking in his direction. Then Gwen nudged him in his side. If Merlin was honest, he would have say she startled him. He may or may not have forgotten she was there.

“Enjoying the show?” she asked teasingly.

“No more than you are.” Merlin responded, not missing the beat. Lancelot was training today as well. Gwen blushed a pretty red that spread across her cheeks. Merlin could be kind and chalk it up to the summer heat. He could. But only if Gwen didn’t tease him. He had offered her the easy way out, but alas, she didn’t take it. Gwen was prone to stammer when she was nervous. In the presence of friends, however, she was a right minx.

“I don’t know, things seem to be heating up in Arthur land. Gwen said. Merlin didn’t mean to, honest he didn’t, but as soon as she said his name, Merlin’s head was snapping in his direction. She was right too. Arthur had stuck his sword in the ground and was now proceeding to take off his damp shirt. Merlin felt his face heat up. Whether from the vision before him, or his self shame he wasn’t sure. Gwen let out a laugh that made Merlin return his vision to her.

“Oh clop off!” he said, giving her shoulder a playful shove. He tried to keep a straight face but Gwen started poking him in his cheek, her eyes alight with mischief. A grin stretched itself across his face anyway.

“There’s the winning smile!” she said. Merlin and Gwen continued their light teasing. They talked about upcoming events and the latest gossip. Then Gwen reminded him the chicken incident and Merlin let out a full body laugh. He had tears pricking the corners of his eyes from laughing so hard. They were curled in on themselves, heaps of giggling mess as they tried to recompose themselves. They would take one look at each other and all the hard work was gone to waste as they exploded again.

“My-my stomach. Make it stop!” Merlin pleaded.

“I-I can’t- I can’t breathe” Gwen gasped out. In the end, it took the tall figure looming over them to get them back under control.

“What are you doing?” the new voice asked, his tone slightly miffed. One glance at him and the pair quickly sobered up. Arthur looked down on them, his expression disapproving but his eyes were lit up in amusement. Merlin found that his tongue had gone dry as he worked his throat to swallow.

“N-nothing sire.” Merlin said. Arthur hmmed.

“And what, Merlin, should you be doing?” Arthur asked.

“Something I guess.” he said, as he and Gwen scrambled to their feet.

“Well you guessed correct.” Arthur said. His hand came up and ran through his blonde hair as he heaved a sigh. The muscles in his arm flexed and the sun chose this as the perfect moment to shine on the prince. “Honestly, Merlin, what am I going to do with you?” he asked. Merlin’s mouth watered at the sight. Gwen, wonderful, amazing Gwen, decided to jump in.

“Y-yes sire. We were on our way right now. Weren’t we Merlin?” Gwen asked. Merlin merely nodded as Gwen took hold of his arm. She made to drag him away, but Arthur stopped her.

“That won’t be necessary Guinevere,” Arthur stated, “a certain someone has been doing a whole lot of lazing about these days. I’m thinking he needs to be whipped into shape.” Arthur said. There was a dangerous glint in his eyes and Merlin got the feeling he should be running by now. Gwen gave Merlin a sympathetic look as she slowly let go off his arm. Arthur was grinning wickedly, and it was doing wicked, very unpleasant things to Merlin’s stomach. Could he make it to the safety of the castle if he broke into a sprint this very instant? He made the mistake of letting his eyes drift toward the servant’s entrance. Arthur saw this and grabbed his other elbow. He then proceeded to bid farewell to Gwen, while simultaneously dragging Merlin toward the maces. Maybe he could lie his way out, Merlin thought, a bit of fear creeping up his spine.

“Come on then Merlin.” Arthur said. Merlin could tell from the way he said it that there would be no weaseling out of this.

“Do we have to?” Merlin asked in a way that was definitely not whining.

“Yes _Mer_ lin, we do. Since you seem so keen on running out with the knights, it’s only fair you do a knight’s work.” Arthur said.

“But I _do_ work like a knight, perhaps harder!” Merlin said, his last ditch attempt to get out of it.

“Well that’s not enough to stop your enemies is it?” Arthur asked. His face suddenly pulled tight, as if the thought had upset him. “What are you going to do if someone attacks you with a mace in the real world, hmm? Ask them to leave you to your laundry?” Arthur asked. He picked it up and swung it above is head a few times. What Arthur didn’t know was that he had defeated enemies plenty of times with his self-imposed training. He couldn’t very well tell Arthur that his magic practice had more than paid off in quite a few instances, now could he? So Merlin kept his mouth shut, and picked up a mace. They walked a few paces away and took a few practice swings. Merlin really hoped he wouldn’t pull anything.

“Tell you what Merlin? I’ll only use one hand!” Arthur called. Merlin resisted the urge to roll his eyes, but only just. He was already working with a handicap. Arthur had yet to put a shirt back on, and his bare chest was a sight to behold. Not that Merlin would ever tell him that of course.

“Come on then Merlin! Come on!” Arthur said. And then they were swinging.

Arthur looked down at Merlin who was staring at the sky on his back.

“I think that’s enough for the day. Don’t you?” Arthur asked. Merlin didn’t respond, afraid agreeing with Arthur would make him change his mind. Merlin was tired, and sore, and hungry. All he wanted was a bath, something to eat, and the ability to sleep until tomorrow. “On your feet Merlin.” Arthur said while offering a hand. Merlin stared for a moment before accepting it. Arthur hauled him up and they began making their way to the castle.

When they reached Arthur’s chambers, there was a bath of warm water waiting. Wonderful, amazing, angelic Gwen must have had one made. Arthur took a look at it and nodded in approval. “Well then, you can go. I need you to bring me my supper. But freshen up first, you reek.” Arthur said. Merlin gave Arthur the stink eye when his back was turned. Even still Merlin went his own way. Upon his return to his and Gaius’s chambers, he noticed his fatherly figure was missing. Merlin simply shrugged before going to his own chambers. The sun was just beginning to set, painting his room in soft hues of pink and orange. He really did need a bath too. Merlin picked up an extremely small, wooden tub. It fit in the palm of his hand. He filled it with water and placed it on the floor. Merlin bit his lip. This is what got him into trouble in the first place. Merlin walked back to the door and after making sure that it was  _locked_ good and tight, turned back to the tub. Merlin whispered the words under his breath and his eyes glew gold. The once tiny tub expanded, and soon, it was larger than his bed. Merlin slowly stripped out of dirty garments. He dropped them one by one as he walked to the tub's edge. He dipped a hand in and frowned. With a quick flash of his eyes, the water was warmer. Merlin sank into the tub and let out a little moan. The water was bliss. Warm enough to soothe his muscles, but cold enough to combat the oppressing heat. After washing and putting on clean clothes, Merlin undid the spell on the tub. It once again shrank, and Merlin poured the bathwater out his window, after making sure no one was passing by of course. Merlin opened the door to his chambers and was shocked to see Gaius puttering about.

“Gaius! I didn’t know you were here!” Merlin said. The old mad was shockingly quiet.

“I arrived just a moment ago my boy. Sir Renold was having trouble with his leg again. His leg cramping up on him.” Gaius responded. Merlin simply nodded. “Oh before you go,” Gaius said, stopping Merlin in his tracks, “take this with you. It might help Arthur with his shoulder pain.” he said, while passing Merlin a bottle with purplish liquid in it. Merlin accepted it, slipping it into one of the pockets on his trousers. Merlin gave Gaius a smile, and then he was out the door. He went down to the kitchens to collect Arthur’s supper.

Merlin went to the kitchen in order to collect the prince’s food. Just as he was reaching for a tray, Cook arrived. Audrey stood in front of him, arms crossed over her chest and wooden spoon in hand.

“And what do ya think you’re doin?” she asked. Merlin swallowed nervously. He couldn’t remember doing anything to upset her lately. Merlin gave her a small smile.

“Collecting food for the prince, ma’am.” Merlin responded. Merlin learned early on that Audrey liked manners. Not using the correct title would likely make her mad.

“Without gettin’ somethin’ for ya’ self first?” she asked. Merlin was nonplussed for a moment. He cocked his head to the side, not quite understanding.

“I’m sorry?” Merlin offered. Audrey harrumphed.

“Ya will be if you don’t eat something. Look at ya! Fit for blowin’ way soon as the wind starts howlin’.” She ushered Merlin to a chair and made him sit. “Now see here,” Audrey said, “you stay here and don’t ya more an inch.” And with that, she walked off. Merlin squirmed on the chair, not quite sure what to do. She was gone two minutes before finally returning with a tray of food. Merlin stood and reached to take the food, but her spoon whacked across his knuckles. Merlin instantly recoiled his hand as the pain blossomed. “I thought I told ya not to move.” she said. Merlin shifted his weight before plunking back into his chair. Audrey placed the tray in front of him. It was piled high with chicken and roast potatoes, carrots and on the side pudding. Merlin’s mouth watered.

“I’ll take the prince his food then.” Merlin said. Audrey harrumphed again.

“Are ya daft boy? This is for you, not his highness.” she said. Merlin felt his cheeks go aflame.

“Oh! Oh um.” Merlin said awkwardly.

“Unless you don’t want it?” Audrey said while reaching to take the tray away.

“No!” Merlin said, while trying to stop her. “I mean, um, no you don’t have to take it. I’ll eat. But, um, thank you.” Merlin was sure his face was even redder now as she placed the tray back in front of him. He didn’t dare look at her as she walked away. Merlin tucked into his meal. I was then that he realized how hungry he actually was. He had eaten nothing but an apple that Gwaine had given him before training. He was starving. After nearly choking to death on a potato wedge, Merlin slowed down. When he reached his pudding, Merlin could have sworn he had died. The custard was delicious. This is what happiness taste like, Merlin thought. He thought he saw Audrey smiling at him out of the corner of his eye. The all knowing- mother smile that the older women of Ealdor used to give him. When he turned though, she was barking orders at some poor scullery maid. He finished his dinner with a contented sigh and stood up. He grabbed his dishes, and no sooner than he had turned around, the scullery maid was taking it from him and pushing a covered tray into his hands.

“For his highness.” she said, not meeting his eyes.

“Thank you.” Merlin responded. She looked up and gave him a beaming smile before dropping a quick curtsy and scurrying off. Merlin left the kitchens in high spirits as he made his way toward Arthur’s room.

Arthur was seated behind his desk when Merlin returned. Thankfully, fully dressed and the tub had been removed. Merlin set the tray on the other table, the one not covered from corner to corner in papers, before walking to the hearth. He stroked and banked the fire, before crossing over to Arthur’s side. Arthur looked up at Merlin before putting his quill down. He ran a hand over his mouth, leaving a trail of ink on his cheek. The corners of Merlin’s mouth turned up.   
“What’s so funny?” Arthur asked.

“Nothing sire. Though your food will get cold if you don’t go eat.” Merlin said. Arthur stood and walked to his food while Merlin took the seat the prince had previously occupied, this being their norm. As Arthur uncovered his meal, Merlin read what Arthur had been working on. A detailed account of the attack they had with the bandits last week. Merlin nodded as he read what was written, picking up the quill to continue where Arthur left off. Once Arthur reported to his father, as long as no magic is mentioned, Uther took Arthur at his word. They learned that with all the other work the king had, he was left with barely any time to read the written reports. They were for record only. So, when Arthur would complain of a hand cramp or just not feel like doing it, the task fell to Merlin. Their handwriting styles were vastly different. Arthur had taken a month before he could read Merlin’s letter fluently, not needing to stop and wonder what was written. There was a comfortable silence as Arthur ate his meal and Merlin wrote his slightly exaggerated version of the story. They finished at about the same time. Arthur went and sat in front of the fire, stretching his legs out before him. He stared into the flame, a content little smile on his face. Merlin, however, went and sat in the moonlight on the ledge in front of the window. He folded his legs under him and admired the view of Camelot at night. Soon, however, the silence was broken. Arthur updated him on the status of the kingdom. Issues that had been discussed at the last meeting, which Merlin was not allowed into. Merlin knew that some of the matters of state which Arthur was telling him was supposed to stay classified. Even still, Arthur trusted him enough to tell all. In repayment of his trust, Merlin regaled Arthur with the latest gossip, fresh from the kitchens. Merlin had picked up on a lot of interesting things during his time there, and was only too happy to share. Most of the stories had Arthur howling with laughter. The sound was a sweet melody to Merlin’s ears. Eventually, Merlin made his way over to Arthur. It was hotter over here, so Merlin removed his jacket. The warmth of the fire was engulfing, and filled Merlin with a sense of security. It couldn’t begin to compare, however, with the warmth of Arthur’s eyes. The deep, ocean blue color washed over Merlin in waves. He was sinking in the comfort they provided. So he was caught completely unawares when Arthur’s hand hit him in the back after a joke. His face contorted for the quickest of seconds and he just barely managed to bite down the whimper that had crawled up his throat. Still, Arthur noticed. Of course he noticed.

“Merlin?” he asked. Merlin cursed himself. There was a bruise on his back, about the size of a fist. He had fallen when dodging a pixie’s attack about a week ago. He had got his lick back, and then some, when he knocked it out of the sky with an iron bar. Still, he was left with a bruise that hurt only when you touched it. He had been so careful at practice too.

“Yes Arthur?” Merlin asked, trying, and failing, to pretend he didn’t know what Arthur was going to ask about. Arthur’s eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“Look at me.” he said. Merlin decided to stare at the smudge of ink that was still on his face. “Are you hurt?” he asked. Merlin had a ‘no’ all ready and poised at the tip of his tongue. Then he looked Arthur in the eye and faltered. He couldn’t bring himself to utter the fabrication. After an extremely quick, heated, internal debate, Merlin decided what to tell his beloved prince.

“It’s just a bruise. You know me always clumsy. I-fell.” Merlin said. There. He didn’t lie. Arthur’s eyes grew accusing again. Why couldn’t Arthur let things be? Probably because he kept hesitating.

“A bruise?” Arthur asked disbelievingly. Merlin knew that look. He had to hurry to reassure the royal that everything was okay.

“It’s just a little one. Nothing important.” Merlin said, hoping Arthur would just let matters be. However, instead of pacifying him, it seemed to put him more on edge. Arthur’s eyes hardened.

“-Nothing important.” he said, as his hands came to Merlin’s shoulders. Arthur’s tone was biting, he seemed to be spitting the words out. Merlin’s brain registered this too late as he was already nodding.

“Yes! Exactly! Nothing to worry about.” Merlin said with a weak smile. Arthur stared hard for a moment, thinking.

“Show me.” He demanded. The smile dropped from Merlin’s face and he tried to pull out of Arthur’s grasp, only for the prince to latch on harder. Merlin felt himself start to panic and tried to get his heart to calm down. He tried to wiggle out of it but it just made Arthur more insistent. Merlin felt himself give up. He stared at the floor a moment, going over his options, not that he had many. He could attempt to make a break for it, which would probably lead to him being tackled with more bruises. He could try to guilt trip or laugh Arthur out of it and make him change his mind. Or...he sighed. Or he could face this and get it over with. He was too close to Arthur to cast the glamour. He could just go with the flow and let the cards fall where they may. Merlin looked at Arthur who was patiently, but not too patiently, waiting for Merlin’s reply. His thumbs were rubbing soothing circles into his shoulders. Merlin felt his resolve crumble. He nodded his consent, and tugged at the ends of his sleeves. In one fluid motion, the shirt was up and over his head. He clutched the fabric desperately to his chest. He had never considered himself self-conscious, but then again he had never been under so much scrutiny before.

“Merlin” Arthur breathed out. His voice was soft and his hands were once again rubbing circles. Arthur’s large hands were hot on his skin and made Merlin feel small. He could feel the pinprick beginning of tears stinging his eyes. The motion changed so that Arthur was rubbing his arms. Shoulder to elbow and back again. It was nice. Finally Arthur’s hands came to rest on his shoulders. He pushed slightly on one, indicating he wanted Merlin to turn around. Merlin moved so that his knees were beneath him. He looked Arthur in the eyes one more time, let out a sigh, and turned so that Arthur was at his back. The hands that were holding him tightened immensely. Merlin could feel the anger radiating off of Arthur, causing him to draw in on himself, and thus giving Arthur more access to his back. He could feel the heat of Arthur’s stare and they trailed the scars of his back. The burn as they pressed into his skin. Arthur took deep breaths through his nose. Once, twice, a third. Finally, a hand slowly made its ways to the bruise. Arthur touched his fingertips to the purple- black marking and carefully pressed. A tiny whimper escaped his throat as he tried to scoot away. Arthur’s hands leapt away from Merlin as if he were a hot coal. He stood quickly and walked over to his drawers.

“Arthur?” Merlin asked, looking over his shoulder. Arthur was leaning with both hands on the wood. Merlin could see were parts of his hands were turning white from gripping the wood so hard. There were tiny tremors running up and down his back. Merlin decided not to say anything, and instead drank in the sight of his beautiful prince. After a very tense minute, Arthur pulled himself up ramrod straight. He opened one of the drawers and pulled out wrappings and a small bottle of salve.  He slammed it shut again, causing Merlin to flinch. Arthur walked back over to where Merlin was sitting, and kneeled behind him without a word. He opened the jar and dipped his fingers inside. “What are you-oh.” Merlin said as Arthur’s finger began their own magic. The ointment was cool on his hot skin. Arthur worked his way over the entire bruise, gently kneading in the crème. Neither of them said anything as Arthur continued his administrations. Soon enough, he put the jar down and picked up the wrappings. He gently secured them around Merlin’s middle. When he was done he lightly traced over the wrappings. Satisfied, he went over to the water bowl and began to wash the excess crème away. He had yet to utter a word. Merlin put his shirt back on, then decided to try again.

“Arthur?” he called. Arthur turned and gave an eyebrow raise to show he was listening. Merlin swallowed the lump in his throat, as Arthur turned away from him. “Aren’t you going to say something.” he asked. Arthur picked up the wash bowl and slammed it back down with so much force, the table shook.

“THERE’S NOTHING TO SAY! You fell right?” Arthur asked. Merlin wished that he had kept his fat mouth shut. He pressed his lips into a thin line and gave a small nod. In a few quick strides, Arthur was once again kneeling in front of Merlin. Blindly, Merlin tried to scoot away. Arthur latched onto him quick like a cobra and grabbed his chin. Merlin tried to fight his way out but Arthur held fast until Merlin met his gaze. Merlin, at last, looked up and he saw took his breath away. Arthur’s eyes were as stormy as a hurricane. There was so much emotion there. Merlin could see the fear, and the anger, and the pain. There was so much pain. Merlin stilled in his actions and let himself drown in Arthur’s eyes. Arthur seemed to be struggling with something.

“Who?” Arthur asked. Merlin’s head tilted in confusion. “Who did this to you?” he asked. Now wasn’t this one big deja vu?  Merlin tore his gaze away.

“I- I told you. I- tripped.” he said. Merlin could tell that was the wrong answer. Arthur stiffened, a clear sign he was becoming angrier, though he kept it in check.

“Don’t lie to me, Merlin.” Arthur said, his tone warning.  

“I’m not. I tripped and then I fell and-” He was cut off by Arthur’s shout and a quick shake.

“I just want the truth! If you had fallen you would have gone to Gaius to get it properly seen to. You would’ve had him come to me so that you could get some time off work. Instead, you kept it hidden because you didn’t want it to come back to me. You didn’t want me to know that you were injured. And the only reason I can think of for that is because this was no accident! Lying to me is treason, Merlin. So there must be something or someone you’re scared of more. So who!” Arthur asked again.  
“Doesn’t matter.” Merlin responded. Arthur took a few deep breaths. It was obvious he was trying to keep his temper in check, but Merlin was grinding his gears.

“It seems we have different views on what is- and is not important. So let’s try this one more time. Who-” Arthur began

“-They’re dead!” Merlin said, cutting Arthur off.

“Oh.” Arthur said. Merlin couldn’t look at him. He hoped Arthur wouldn’t start asking things like _why were they trying to hurt you in the first place?_ or _How did they die?_ Arthur, it appeared still wasn’t done. “ Have they...did they hurt you before?” he asked. Merlin wasn’t expecting such a concerned question. He paused for a moment to consider.

“They tried to. As I’m still here, didn’t really work” Merlin said. Arthur’s eyebrows rose high at this declaration.

“They were trying to kill you? Why?” Arthur asked. Merlin hated his foot-in-mouth syndrome. He shrugged his shoulders.

“Don’t know.” he lied. He did though. The pixies knew that to kill the prince, they needed to kill Emrys. To bad they didn’t know that Merlin could smell even _odorless_ poisons due to his dragon senses. The battle was just another day in the life for Merlin. Arthur let out a sigh.

“If they-were still alive- would you have told me?” he asked. And Merlin already knew the answer to that. Had known all along. _No._

“Maybe.” he lied again. Arthur studied him for a minute. His eyes grew sad. He nodded to Merlin and let him go.

“Go and get some rest Merlin.” Arthur said. Merlin rose shakily to his feet.

“Goodnight sire.” he responded. He crossed the room to leave. Just as the door was closing behind him, he heard a soft _goodnight_ in return.


	2. inquirer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is really short. it's just Arthur's Pov after merlin left from the previous one. chapter 3 is going to be longer. And hopefully *fingers crossed* I can post it tonight or tomarrow morning.

Arthur heard the door close with a soft click. Once again, Arthur turned to stare at the fire. Only now, he was alone with his thoughts. He wrapped his arms around himself and wondered why Merlin didn’t trust him. He knew Merlin was a klutz, heck, everyone did. But what hurt Arthur the most was that he knew a lot, most, weren’t on accident. He had trained some of the best warriors the land had ever seen. If they made it to retirement, they were also well seasoned. With stories, wisdom, and-scars. Lots of them. When Arthur was a boy, Uther would take him to visit the older knights. The ones that had done all they could in service to the crown, and now resided in the castle. He used to count their scars while they told him gruesome stories. Arthur knew a battle scar when he saw one. People were trying to hurt Merlin. Merlin of all people. He was an idiot, but a lovable one. And there were people who wanted his blood. Arthur’s fists clenched. Why would people try to hurt him? Why did he never say anything? That was another thing that bothered Arthur. He wasn’t going to lie. It fricking hurt. Merlin could lie to him so easily. Why did Merlin lie? Did he not feel like he could tell the truth? Arthur rested his chin on his knees. Maybe he didn’t. Despite his bordering on treasonous ways, Arthur could see the careful way Merlin carried out his business. Like he wanted to stay out of attention. Out of Uther’s attention. He saw it sometimes. The slight fear of his father in Merlin’s eyes. Especially when Uther was in a mood. Did that fear extend to him as well? Was Merlin afraid of his when his back was turned? Arthur’s stomach lurched. He couldn’t think of a time where he ever felt so miserable, and he had the flu before. He had seen how close Merlin was to the other knights. How close he was to Lancelot. Arthur flexed his jaw. He would bet a month’s allowance that Lance already knew the things he was just finding out. Merlin had probably told him. He did, after all, trust Lancelot more. Instead of the anger he expected to feel, he felt small. Worthless. He wasn’t good enough to make Merlin come to him. How much had he missed? How much did Merlin keep from him? Why did he never pay more attention? He couldn’t blame Merlin for his own shortcomings. He is the prince. He should see to the health and happiness of all his people. And he missed the person closest to him. It isn’t that hard to look over Merlin. He’s always so happy. Arthur paused for a moment. Could a person truly be happy all the time? Maybe he showed his true self when Arthur wasn’t around. Merlin had an amazing tendency to make himself scarce. Maybe when he had a few drinks in him is when one could tell. A bit of intoxication could bring out a side to people you never knew existed. He had to hurt. He was human after all. Arthur pursed his lips to consider this. He could count on one hand the times he had seen Merlin completely hammered. The feast celebrating the new year, when they had liberated Ealdor, Gwaine’s birthday, and after the great dragon’s attack. Though now that he thought about it, Lancelot had dragged him away after the last one. He did spend a lot of time at the tavern, if Gaius could be believed. Arthur momentarily felt shocked at his train of thought. Of course he could trust Gaius. It was just that now, Arthur didn’t know what was what anymore. He thought Merlin lived a relatively carefree life, and look how that turned out. Still, he couldn’t imagine Merlin deep in his cups. So either he lied to Gaius- which Arthur highly doubted- about where he was going or, or Gaius was covering for him. Arthur’s mind was going in circles. Merlin wouldn’t have been able to treat all those wounds himself. He would have needed some help. And although Lancelot was good would a sword, herbs wasn’t exactly his forte. So, Gaius would have known as well. Arthur wanted to scream. Was he going to have to question everyone around him if they were even remotely connected to Merlin? Arthur took a moment to go over what he had come up with.  
Merlin had scars.  
Merlin did not go to the tavern as often as he would have people to believe.  
Merlin didn’t trust him.  
He did trust Lancelot and Gaius.  
The three of them are liars.  
They could be scared of him.  
Merlin could be scared of him. Merlin was going to be the death of him Arthur decided. He felt like his heart would burst from his chest. He would never say this to Merlin's face, but he considered Merlin his best friend. Merlin could read him inside and out. Knew what he wanted, or what he would do before he did. To find out that Merlin wasn’t as transparent was causing him pain. Actual, physical pain. Arthur stood and heard a pop from his spine. He could see Merlin recoiling. A small smile crossed his face, before being replaced with a frown. Maybe there was a reason for that? Arthur shook his head. He should not be letting Merlin take over his thoughts like this. Arthur looked at his reflection in the mirror. To his horror, there were tear tracks running down his face. Arthur turned away and walked to where he was signing documents earlier. Next to the reports, Merlin left a tincture from Gaius. A pain drought. Arthur raised the little bottle and examined it. In one quick motion, he removed the stopper and drowned the whole thing. If he wanted Merlin’s trust, he had to prove he was trustworthy. And the only way to do that was to get Merlin to be open around him. Arthur tucked himself into bed. He stared at his ceiling. If he continued the way things were, things would never change. If he was too nice to Merlin, he would get wary and always be high alert. If he was too mean, he would push Merlin away. Why was Merlin always so complicated? One thing was for sure though. He was going to learn Merlin’s secrets.


	3. Search

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short but whatever. I'm not even gonna promise to keep updating, but I will try. I have a lot more free time now that finals are over. Also, I did this at like 2 in the morning, and I didn't reread it. Meaning, I apologize for any mistakes. I don't have anyone that reads this for me before I publish things so yeah. Enjoy!

It was the next morning, and Merlin went to get started with his day. He could still feel where Arthur treated his wounds, but he was determined to make the day as normal as possible. Merlin placed the tray on the table and went to go pull back the curtains. The soft morning light poured in by the bucketful. Merlin looked at his sleeping prince. By god. Arthur was a vision. His halo of hair made him look angelic, and he looked warm, if that makes any sense. Merlin’s chest swelled with an emotion he didn’t dare put a name to. It heated him to his core and made his toes curl. If only this could last forever. Alas, it could not. Merlin knew he would have to play the part extremely well today. So, even though it pained him greatly to do so, he sucked in a breath and shouted, “Rise and Shine, you prat!” Arthur sprang up in bed.  His eyes were bright as he glanced around confused. Seeing no danger, he looked lost and completely out of place. Merlin couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his mouth. He doubled over as laughter claimed him. He chanced a glance at Arthur whose scandalized face was quickly morphing into one of anger. Merlin laughed even harder as Arthur tried to glare, but the effect was completely ruined by the state of his hair, which was sticking up at very intense angles.

“Shut up Merlin.” Arthur growled out, voice rough from disuse. Merlin quieted his loud laughter, but a few giggles still escaped as he made his way to Arthur’s wardrobe.

“So what are we doing today my liege?” Merlin asked as he pulled out a white tunic. Arthur took a moment to consider as he hopped out of bed. Arthur plopped himself into a chair and started his breakfast.

“Well _you_ will be washing my laundry and mucking out for my horses.” Arthur stated matter-of-factly. Merlin’s face fell and Arthur let a smirk cross his face.

“Oh you colossal prat! You’re joking! You are joking aren’t you?” Merlin asked. Arthur laughed at Merlin’s expense.

“Of course I am! I had a better idea! Hunting!” Arthur responded gleefully. Merlin let out a groan. He didn’t know which was the worse of the two evils. “Of course, I’ll need you to gather my gear and inform my knights. I plan to bring back plenty. Perhaps we could even have a feast to celebrate such a plentiful harvest.” Arthur said. Merlin simply nodded. It was just like a noble to throw random feasts. With no concern whatsoever to the poor staff who would have to cook, and clean, and wear horribly unstylish hats. Merlin still had nightmares about feathers. He repressed a shiver as he retrieved a riding outfit for Arthur. At least Gwaine would be coming along. There was a light conversation between them as Merlin tidied up and Arthur ate. After Merlin had dressed Arthur, he stepped back to admire his work. Secretly of course.

“Would that be all my lord?” Merlin asked. The corners of Arthur’s lips turned down. Merlin wanted to kiss the frown away, but restrained himself. Thankfully. Arthur heaved a sigh and shook his head.

“No Merlin, that will be all. Inform the knights that we leave within the hour.” Arthur said. Merlin nodded his understanding, gathered the dishes, and took his leave.

 

Arthur watched Merlin go carry out his orders, then plopped back on his now made bed. He was sure that this was a good plan. Upon waking up so rudely, the adrenaline rush gave him a great idea. When Merlin laughed, he looked so free. The sunlight pouring in from outside. And how much freer could one get than in the great outdoors? Arthur always loved getting away from the castle when he needed to unwind. And Merlin looked like he belonged outside anyway. Not hunting of course, but sitting in a field somewhere. Perhaps making flower crowns like Arthur had seen some of the girls from the outer villages doing. A smile crossed Arthur’s face at how easily he could imagine Merlin doing just that. Who knows, Maybe a little expedition is all Merlin needed to open up a bit. They wouldn’t go far. Arthur was only bringing _his_ knights. They would only go about a mile of where the morning parole is stationed. Arthur rose from his mattress and examined himself in the mirror. The clothes Merlin had picked out would be perfect for today’s activities. Arthur’s heart twanged. Merlin always knew what Arthur needed. Just once, Arthur would like to be able to return the favor. Arthur patted his hair down and left his chambers, closing the door behind him. By the time Arthur reached the courtyard, his knights were already there waiting for him. There were some foot soldiers, as well as some familiar faces, whom Arthur smiled at. Percival, Leon, Gwaine, Elyan, and...Lancelot. Arthur tried not to feel and discontent with bringing Lancelot with him. After all, he was one of his best and most loyal knights. He had done nothing to warrant any ill treatment. Everyone was saddled and waiting for Arthur to mount. Merlin was standing, holding the reins to his own horse, as well as Arthur’s. He passed them over with a smile and mounted himself. Arthur climbed his steed, and they were off.

It was just a bit over the third hour. They had already bagged three large deer and a war hog which the other soldiers were sent to bring back to the castle.

“I don’t see why we didn’t go back with them. I think that surely we have enough for the feast?” Merlin said.

“And what have we discussed about you thinking, hmm?” Arthur retorted. He was to far away to hear what Merlin mumbled back, but Leon and Elyan exploded with laughter. “I say we keep on.” Arthur said. Upon seeing Merlin’s face fall, Arthur lightened up. “The day is just beginning. We’ll catch a few pheasants, check the traps, and then we’ll head back.” Arthur saw the small beginning of a smile. He knew how much Merlin hated hunting, despite not being adversed against eating meat. The carried on two by two. Leon took the lead, followed by Arthur who was flanked by Elyan. Gwaine and Percival were next, with Merlin and Lancelot taking up the rear. Arthur told himself that it was just by chance. They rode in companionable silence for a while, but of course with Gwaine in tow, it was never expected to last. There was so much laughter flowing between the group, They weren’t even trying to hunt anymore. Arthur felt tension he didn't know he was carrying drain away. Lancelot let out a loud laugh and Arthur looked over his shoulder to determine why. Merlin seemed to be regaling him with a tale of some sort. His eyes were lit up in a way that they weren’t when they were in Camelot. Merlin threw his hands this way and that as he exaggerated each part of his story. Arthur had re-read reports Merlin had finished for him and new Merlin was prone to let his imagination run wild. So Arthur knew that whatever Merlin was saying was utter nonsense. Still, he couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous. Merlin and Lancelot laughed again and Arthur clenched his teeth. He should be the one making Merlin laugh! This whole outing was his idea anyway. Arthur wondered what story Merlin could be telling to have them laughing as so. He turned his head away.

The rest of the trip was a bit of a blur. Arthur dimly remembers missing three shots, before getting a bullseye on the third, just to shut Gwaine up. They headed back with 7 pheasants and 13 rabbits in tow. Waiting for them on the steps was no one but the king himself.

“My son!” Uther declared upon Arthur’s arrival. They all dismounted from their horses. Arthur saw from the corner of his eye how Merlin had stiffened. “A feast! To celebrate the good harvest, your hard work, and of course our lasting peace from the evil that is magic. That scum doesn’t dare to rear its head. Not when the armies of Camelot live, and pledge to rid the world of it. And you, my son, are shaping up to be a bright star for the future of this kingdom.” he said. And with that, he put his arm around Arthur’s shoulders. Arthur looked over his shoulder at Merlin. Who was standing a lot closer to Lancelot. Arthur internally cursed as he was lead inside.  


	4. Alter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hurrah for updates! I hope you guys like this one as well. It seems like I'm on an updating roll. Let's see how long this will last.

Merlin watched as Arthur was dragged away. Something inside him felt twisted. Like at any moment the feeling would consume him. A warm hand settled on his shoulder. Lancelot gave Merlin a little half smile a Merlin felt a little better. To know that he had a brother who would support him, accepted him, despite his extraordinary abilities. The other knights patted Merlin on his shoulders as well, though the meaning wasn’t as deep. Still, it was nice to be surrounded by friends. The feeling lasted up until the point where they all gave Merlin the reins to their horses. Merlin accepted his new task with a roll of his eyes. The knights laughed heartily as they made their way inside. Any other servant would have been hit for such disrespect. With Merlin, it was almost like a game. Merlin tied the reins together, glad that the animals were all tired from the hunt in the woods. They calmly followed Merlin back to the royal stables, with a bit of discreet magical guidance. About halfway there, Terrance came to offer a hand. Merlin grinned as he grabbed hold of some horses. The nuzzled him affectionately and rose their front hooves in greeting.

“Ello to you all to.” he said as he pushed one of the horse’s mouth away. “Need a hand there, Merlin? Now that I’ve got two I could be of some help.” Terrance asked. Merlin laughed.

“If it’s not too much trouble.” Merlin said. Terrance just shook his head.

“‘M tired of being useless. I’ve had to sit on my bum for weeks. Weeks mate! I need some action!” Merlin laughed again.

“And you plan to find it in horses?” Merlin asked good-naturedly.

“Eh. To each his own is what me mum used ta say.” He said. Terrance reminded Merlin so much of Will. With the trouble he always seemed to get into. He had broken his arm when he fell from a high ladder. Gaius had declared him officially healed about a two days ago. Light conversation filled the space between them as they took care of the horses. They sorted them into their proper stall, removed all the riding gear, and gave each horse a good brush down.  Then after making sure they had enough water and food, locked the stall behind them. Merlin breathed a sigh of relief as he finished the last horse. 

“Thanks for the help Terrance! I would’ve been here all day trying to finish on my own. Not that a certain someone would have noticed until he needed his dinner.” Merlin said. Terrance chuckled, despite the joke being at his prince’s expense.

“Anytime Merlin. You’re the first person today to treat me like help instead of a hindrance.” he said with a shrug. Merlin shook his head at such words.

“I’m sure tomorrow will be better. Just get a good night's sleep. Pretty soon every time you turn around it’ll be something else for you to do. Believe me when I say you’re gonna miss being able to laze about and sleep in. In fact, a broken arm is seeming like a pretty good idea right about now.” Merlin said. Terrence let out one of those full body laughs. 

“Maybe you’re right Merlin. In fact, I think I’ll hit the hay early tonight.” he said. Merlin smiled and took his leave. Before he went out the stable he turned around. Terrance had started stroking the neck of a grey speckled horse. Merlin’s eyes flashed gold. Terrance really was a hard worker.He deserved a good night’s sleep. Even if Merlin couldn’t have one himself, he could make sure that his friends did. 

Merlin returned to the castle and headed toward the towers. After freshening up, he helped Gaius with some of his tinctures. Arthur would be caught up with the meetings and such for the rest of the day. In fact, he was going to end up dining with the King and the Council. So Merlin welcomed the distraction that the work of a physician brought. He measured, and ground, and boiled, and watched. Gaius taught Merlin how to make a pain drought with just three ingredients. Merlin decided that this would come in handy when he went out with the knights, as the ingredients were relatively common. Gaius handed Merlin several bottles of different colored liquid. 

“Would you go and deliver these for me, my boy? My bones aren’t what they used to be.” Gaius asked. Merlin wasn’t sure why Gaius asked anymore. He knew that Merlin would do anything for him. Merlin stood and gathered the bottles. He had delivered these same prescriptions enough times to know the orders for them. “Oh and Merlin?” Gaius called, causing Merlin to falter in his steps. Merlin turned to heed the words of his beloved mentor. “Hurry back if you can. There’s some other things I would like you to help with. And do take care to give the instruction BEFORE giving the medicine.” Gaius said. Merlin winced. You give an old blind man the vision of a hawk ONE time. Merlin confirmed his understanding and headed out.

The sun was just beginning to set when Merlin finished his last delivery. There was a shocking absence of servants as Merlin made his way back. _ Strange.  _ Merlin thought. When he entered back into the physician's towers, Gaius was nowhere to be seen. Now Merlin was starting to get worried. Merlin walked back out and went on a mini quest to locate his fatherly figure. Merlin would suppose that he hadn’t got to far, if he didn’t know Gaius better. He was surprisingly agile when he wanted to be. Merlin saw a guard and asked him if he had seen the court physician. He pointed in the direction of the west wing and Merlin took off. Merlin had to slow his pace a bit, as the closer he got, the more servants he had to avoid. It seemed as if everyone suddenly had to be in the west wing.There were so many people that Merlin began taking shortcuts. He was just about to give up when he quite literally ran into his mentor.

“Gaius! Thank the heavens I’ve found you.” Merlin said. Gaius for his part looked less enthusiastic about a reunion, and more disgruntled at having nearly being run over.

“You just saw me but a bit ago. What, pray tell, were you so desperately needing to tell me?” he asked. 

“It was weird, first everyone seemed to disappear, and the next thing you know, you can’t move an inch without stepping on someone’s foot.” Merlin said. Gaius heaved a sigh.

“Yes, I suppose with all your moving around you wouldn’t have heard.” Gaius said. Merlin felt a chill at the words. They were never anything good.

“Heard what?” Merlin asked, dreading the response.

“Apparently Arthur had been acting rather distracted during the meetings. Uther dismissed them all thinking that the Prince was sick. Of course, no sooner than he did, Arthur took a tumble.” Gaius said. Merlin sucked in a breath. You leave Arthur on his own for one afternoon.

“How is he now?” Merlin asked. Gaius made a face. Not one of sadness or pity, but of anger.

“Completely fine. He only fell down a few steps. Barely enough to do any actual damage. It wasn’t even sprained! I came running from all the fuss Uther made. I fear telling him that his son’s injury was no big deal would not go well. And all the others who came running did nothing to ease His Highness out of his state. I simply wrapped Arthur’s ankle and gave him a pain drought. As long as he stays off of it for the most part, he could be back on the training field within a day or two.”Gaius finished. Merlin felt his breath rush out of him in a whoosh. A breath he didn’t realise he had been holding.

“And where is he now? Back in his room sulking I presume?”Merlin asked. A smile made its way to Gaius’s face.    
“Yes, I suppose you could say that.” Gaius said. Merlin shifted restlessly on his feet. Gaius seemed to have mercy on Merlin as he fixed him with one of those knowing looks. “Alright. You can go and see him. I can finish on my own.” he said. Merlin smiled brightly and thought to stop by the kitchens first. Just as the were about to go their separate ways, Gaius stopped him once more. “The medicine I gave him will take a while to kick in. You’ll know when it does. It’s gonna knock Arthur out like a light so make sure you get him into bed before he takes another fall.” Gaius warned. Merlin showed he understood and carried on.

 

As planned, Merlin made a detour to the kitchens, and took his acquired prize with him to Arthur’s rooms. When Merlin reached the doors he thought about knocking, then decided against it. He pushed the door open with his free hand and made his way inside. Arthur’s head had snapped in his direction, but upon seeing Merlin, relaxed. 

“Close the door, would you.” Arthur demanded. Merlin did as asked. Only because it gave him a brief moment to school his features. Arthur had indeed been sulking.

“Seems like the boo-boo has made a certain someone a bit grumpy.” Merlin teased. Arthur scowled and betossed many pillows in Merlin’s direction.

“Oiy! If that’s the way it’s gonna be I’ll just go and eat this feel better pudding by myself.” Merlin threatened. But his threat was undermined by the laugh in his voice and the mischief in his eyes. Arthur grumbled under his breath, but he relented. Merlin walked over with a chuckle, and handed Arthur his bowl of the chocolatey goodness. Arthur told Merlin all the latest happenings as they ate their pudding. Soon the conversation slipped into other topics. From the upcoming feast, to dreams they had. The sun had set so Merlin went to start a fire. Though technically still autumn, the night air carried the chill of winter. The warmth eventually drew Arthur over as well. It was so close to the night before, and yet so different. Merlin said something and Arthur threw his head back in a laugh. Merlin only had a few precious to admire the tan skin of Arthur’s neck. To treasure the rich sound of Arthur’s laugh. The firelight had turned Arthur’s locks a molten gold. By the triple goddess.  Merlin was losing himself. Arthur’s eyes were warm. To warm. They burned into Merlin and made him want to lay himself bare. To tell Arthur all his secrets and let himself be judged. Arthur seemed to want to ask something. Merlin was scared. He might actually tell the truth. There was just one thing to do. Drive the conversation away from himself. Arthur seemed to be getting a bit droopy.

“So why did the meetings let out early today anyway?” Merlin asked casually. As if he didn’t already know the answer. Arthur avoided his gaze and Merlin felt like he could breathe. 

“I wanted to know.” Arthur said quietly under his breath. In fact, had Merlin not be awaiting his response, he would have missed it all together.

“To know? Know what?” Merlin asked laying a hand on Arthur’s arm. Arthur didn’t meet his gaze.

“Everything you told Lancelot.” Arthur said with a hiccup. Merlin’s fingers tightened slightly at hearing those words. Merlin paused for a moment. Maybe he could dig himself out of this.

“You mean earlier? When we were in the woods?” Merlin asked. Arthur didn’t dignify him with a response. Merlin’s heart tightened because Arthur couldn’t possibly suspect, could he? “Because that was just a story a read to one of the knights here. There was this incident and he decided he had seen all he needed to see ever again. And that’s a long story in itself.” Merlin said. He was trying to keep his tone happy, his voice light. Arthur still didn’t say anything. He was swaying a bit from his place on the floor. At last, he looked at Merlin.

“Tell it to me?” he asked. Merlin’s heart went out. He could deny Arthur nothing. Merlin nodded.

“How about as a bedtime story. The medicine Gaius gave you should be kicking in by now. We need to get you settled in.” Merlin said. Arthur nodded and allowed for himself to be manhandled up and into some proper sleepwear. Merlin tucked him in and then pulled up a chair by his bedside. “Arthur, the story is really old. It was written before certain laws were made.” Merlin said cautiously. Arthur rolled his eyes. Merlin wouldn’t dare tell him that he looked adorable.

“Yes. Okay. Get on with it.“ Arthur said. Merlin tsked at his impatience. Merlin had a brief moment to feel sorry for Arthur’s nanny.

“Fine! Okay! Now let’s see here. How did it start again? Oh yes.” and thus, Merlin began his tale. 

            In a kingdom far away, there lived a prince. A beautiful, golden prince who was highly beloved. Loved despite his many flaws. For the prince was inconsiderate, and selfish, and vain. One day, the prince went on a hunt. Not long after he started, a terrible storm separated him from his knights. He was thrown from his horse and left in the darkness. He walked until he found shelter. When the sun shone again, he started making his way back. After some time he came across an old beggar woman.  Upon seeing him she opened her palms. For she saw his fine clothes and knew he must have money. ‘Some coin’, she asked, ‘For my children’s medicine.’ But the prince turned up his nose at her dirty clothes. He clutched his coin bag to him and turned from her. ‘I have none to give’ he said. ‘Please reconsider’ she said, but the prince walked away.  As the day dragged on, the prince became hungry. He had with him some bread and dried meat. Enough for at least four men. A mutt crossed his path. It looked at him with large, hungry eyes. Eyes that seemed to say, ‘Some scraps, my hunger is unbearable.’ But the dog was old. It would do no good hunting or guarding or otherwise.The prince again turned his back. ‘I have none to give’. ‘But’, the dog seemed to say, ‘I need. I need’. The prince shooed the dog away and carried on. Soon the prince began to thirst. He came across a large river with water so clean it sparkled. The Prince drunk his fill, and when he could drink no more, filled his waterskin as well. The sun was merciless as it beat down upon those below it. The prince came across a large field. It was barren, without a tree in sight to offer shade. It would take forever to walk across, and even longer to go around. The prince decided to take his chances. The more he walked, the hotter it became. He stopped for a rest, only to notice a flower at his feet. But the sun had made it droop and begin to wither. Each leaf seemed to have a voice. ‘Some water,’ they said, ‘to survive the heat’. But the prince was disgusted at such ugly petals. ‘I have none to give’ he said as he rose to his feet. ‘But how will I live?’ the leaves asked. But the prince walked away.

Soon the prince could see the tops of his castle. He was almost home! Suddenly a being appeared before him. She emitted a light as vibrant as life itself. But she was furious. ‘Who are you?’ the prince asked. ‘How dare you obstruct my path!’ This seemed to make the being angrier. **‘I am Gaia.  And as the earth is mine, it is you who had crossed me. For years I have given you and your ancestors dominion over the others. But you would make me out to be a fool. For I see you as a human same as all the others, but there is no humanity in you. What good is a heart that is not used!’** she roared. The prince shook where he stood. ‘There is plenty to go around in my kingdom. Come and I will show you!’ he said. But she raised a hand to stop him.  **‘I have seen all I need to see.’** she said.‘Please reconsider!’ the prince wailed.  **‘You are not worthy of a heart’** she spoke, as she ripped his heart from his body. ‘I need it! I need-’ But his cries were cut short.  **‘You need for nothing.  You have more than any other. You did not need your heart before, you will not need it after.’** she said. The prince crumpled to the ground. ‘But? How will I live?’ he asked. Gaia turned her back. ‘Have mercy!’ he cried. Gaia looked at him from over her shoulder.  **‘I have none to give’** . She closed her fist and the prince’s heart was turned to ash. The wind blew it away. Tears fell down the prince’s face, but he could not feel them. He could not feel anything.  **‘Perhaps not all is lost. Maybe you could find a new heart’** she said. And then as swiftly as she came, she was gone. The prince was once again alone.

 

Merlin stopped his story and looked at Arthur who was just barely hanging on to consciousness.

“Why’d ya stop?” Arthur asked droopily. Merlin couldn’t repress his fond smile.

“Because someone is dozing off.” Merlin said.

“Am not.” Arthur said.

“Are too.” Merlin retorted.

“‘M not.” Arthur said with a yawn. Merlin ruffled Arthur’s hair affectionately. “‘M not a dog Merlin.” Arthur said. Merlin let out a laugh.

“Let’s finish this story another day, yeah?” Merlin asked. Before Arthur could respond, he let out another yawn. Arthur settled grumpily into his pillows and nodded. Merlin felt his own heart melting. If only he could watch over Arthur all night. Maybe there was a spell for that. Things for later, Merlin decided.

“Merlin.” Arthur whispered. Merlin leaned in closer to hear what he had to say. “This story better have a happy ending.” he said. He was completely serious, with his ruffled hair and chubby cheeks. Merlin couldn’t help himself. He laughed loudly. He tried to get himself under control but found that he couldn’t. After about a minute he calmed down.

“Yes, Arthur. This is one of the lucky stories that has a happy ending.” Merlin said. Despite basically being knocked out, Arthur still looked doubtful.

“Promise?” he asked. 

“Yes Arthur, I promise that this has a happy ending.”Merlin said.

“Good.” Arthur said as he drifted off to sleep. Merlin sat there a moment. Arthur trusted him enough to fall asleep in his presence. The thought sent a flutter alight in Merlin’s stomach. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, watching the steady rise and fall of Arthur’s chest. Merlin stood to go, but because he couldn’t resist, he planted a kiss on Arthur’s brow. Merlin opened the doorway and turned back around. He gazed back on his sleeping prince, expression filled with the love he had for him. 

“Goodnight, my lord” Merlin whispered as he shut the door, and entered the hall.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's short. I'm sorry. I'm working on the next chapter.

Arthur awoke feeling more refreshed than he had in ages. Probably because he couldn’t remember the last time he had slept so soundly. Apparently, the tonic Gaius gave him doubled as a sleeping draught. Medicine. Injury. Training. Arthur sprang up in bed. He had knights to train today! Arthur jumped out of bed and landed on his bed leg. He immediately crumpled to the ground, glad that he didn’t cry out in pain. Suddenly he was being pulled up and ushered back into bed.

“Let go of me Merlin! I have knights to train. Why didn’t you wake me up?” Arthur demanded, as he tried to push Merlin’s hands away. 

“Woah! Easy there. The knights have already trained today.” he said. Arthur froze at Merlin’s words.

“What do you mean they’ve already trained? What are you talking about?” Arthur asked.

“You’ve been put on a two day bed rest. Well, not entirely. Just that you’re not allowed to do anything that requires exertion. So why you’ve been in here dozing away, Leon lead the others in drills and the like. He was quite efficient.” Merlin said. Arthur’s head was spinning. He laid back down on his pillows.

“What time is it Merlin?” Arthur asked. Merlin’s nose scrunched up. They way it did sometimes though Arthur had no idea why.

“A little past noon.” he whispered while turning away. A sour taste was found it’s way to Arthur’s mouth. Surely he misheard. But Merlin wasn’t looking at him. And he was twisting the sleeve of his jacket, which Arthur knew that he did when nervous. He knew that he had heard Merlin correctly. Arthur took a few deep breaths to calm himself. He didn’t want to yell today. 

“Alright then.” Arthur said, while pushing up. Merlin looked actually frightened. “So what does the rest of my day look like?” Arthur asked. Merlin’s expression quickly changed to one of bafflement. 

“What?” he asked. 

“Well seeing as I’ve already lost nearly an entire day of work, what else can I do today?” Arthur asked while carefully testing his weight on his leg.

“Oh um, you have another meeting in an hour or so. And let’s see, there are some documents that need your signature. As well, as some reports for you to look over.” Merlin said. Arthur nodded as he walked to his table. There were two covered plates there. Arthur sat down and raised an eyebrow at Merlin, causing the tips of his ears to turn pink. “Oh right. I brought your breakfast earlier but you were sleep so I just left it there. The other one is your lunch.” Merlin said. Merlin removed one of the trays from the table. Arthur decided to uncover the other. It was piled high with roast duck, bread, cheese, and fresh fruit. Arthur decided it was too much for one person.

“Have you eaten yet?” Arthur asked. Merlin looked stunned and took a long time to answer. Though it was really just a few seconds, it was too long to Arthur.

“Yes. I’ve eaten.” he said. Arthur gave Merlin a soft smile.

“Liar.” he said. Both of Merlin’s ears turned an even brighter red and Arthur smiled again. “Come on then, I don’t want the people to tell stories of me like the one from last night. The prince who starved his manservant. It would be a bedtime classic.” Arthur said. Merlin smile again. 

“The character was a needy dog. Are you calling me a needy dog?” he asked. Arthur grinned.

“Well.” he said. 

“Oiy! Don’t you dare finish that thought!” Merlin threatened. Nevertheless, he sat down.

“Or what?” Arthur asked. Merlin made a vulgar threat involving cats and rope which shall not be repeated. Arthur was stunned for a minute before he threw his head back in a loud laugh. He clutched his stomach from his laughter, and there were actual tears in his eyes. “Who would’ve thought you had it in you?” Arthur gasped out. Merlin simply shrugged as he reached for a few cranberries. They continued telling jokes as they ate. Soon there was a on the door. “Yes?” Arthur called through it. 

“My lord,” the voice replied, “the meeting will start in fifteen minutes.”

“Yes, thank you.” Arthur called back. Merlin smiled, then looked a bit taken aback.

“Has it really been nearly an hour?” he asked, and even though it was more directed at himself, Arthur heard it anyway. Arthur decided to not respond, and instead walked behind the changing screen. He slipped into the clothes that Merlin had laid out for him earlier. When he reemerged from behind the screen, he walked over to his mirror. He could partially see Merlin in the mirror and he looked...sad. That was the only way to describe it. When Arthur turned to face him, however, the expression had been replaced to one of boredom or indifference. Arthur convinced himself that he had imagined it. 

“Ready to go?” Merlin asked.

“Yes.” And so, they left to the meeting.

Most of the council were there by the time they arrived. In fact, it seemed that besides themselves, the king was the only one still missing. Arthur took the seat next to Leon, who was the second in command, after Arthur. Merlin veered from Arthur’s side and went to stand in his usual place in the corner. Out of the way but still readily available in the rare occurrence when he was actually needed. Sometimes Merlin wondered why he even came to these things. The only other servant was Uther’s own, and neither of them did much. Merlin had a sinking feeling that the only reason Arthur had Merlin to come, was so that he could suffer through the meetings as well. The entirety of those at the table stood as Uther entered the room. Merlin folded himself more into the shadows. He was still on Uther’s good side, and he didn’t want any attention on him that could ruin that. Uther was under the influence, thanks to Gaius, that Merlin was a bit touched in the head. Merlin was in absolutely no hurry to change his opinion of that. After Uther and the rest of the ancients- cough- council members took their seats, the meeting started. They began going over the details of the feast, and an upcoming Lord’s wedding. It was kind of interesting. But then they began talks of a grain tax and Merlin tuned out again. In fact, Merlin didn’t hear a single thing for a while until a few key words caught his ear.

“There is a rumor that the people of Amestead have taken to using enchantments.” said who Merlin was sure called Ructen. Lord Strindle made a noise of agreement. 

“I received a letter from my grandson the other day. The people fear for their crops, which are still not read for harvest this late in the year.”   
“They may be bewitching their own soil.” chimed in Lord Andrews. 

“ENOUGH!” Uther yelled, “there will be no talk of magic at this table. It is just a rumor, yes? We will send our troops to squash it flat before anyone starts to foolishly get any ideas. And if in fact there are sorcerers in Amestead, they will be burned in their right along in the fields of their  poisonous crops. It will be the only way to ensue that their blackened fields are still salvageable for another. We are a strong people who have no need for the dark arts in this kingdom.” Uther said. Merlin had gone pale, though no one noticed. If Merlin hadn’t been feeling so bad, he would have made an internal joke about Uther loving the sound of his own voice. As it stood, however… “Arthur!” Uther said while turning to his son. “How soon can you set out?” he asked. Arthur raised his head and looked into his father’s eyes. 

“My men will need to gather supplies and rest before the long journey. A day tops. We could leave the following morning.” Arthur said.

“Excellent,” Uther said, “then you must begin preparation immediately.” He said while standing up. “This council is dismissed.”

**Author's Note:**

> well that was it. How was it guys?


End file.
